Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 1/22/06

Proof That No One Learns
By, Grey Entertainment

With the latest Peter Jackson epic out of the way the more mainstream portion of Hollywood is preparing it’s counter attack against what it sees as an uppity backwater director who has managed to shake up movies more than claymation.
No it is not good, not good at all.
Ignoring the overwhelming failure of pop star oriented movies over the last few years the major studios, in collaboration with Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, have conspired – I can think of no other word for it – to produce a special effects extravaganza movie, a modern epic, featuring Beyonce, Jessica Simpson, Lil’ Bow Wow (this is where the FX kick in, apparently they’re going to make him look young and cute somehow) and a monkey that bears an uncanny resemblance to the Olsen Twins and yet has a singing style likened to Jewel meets Beck meets Super Mario. And that just sounds scary.
The main thinking seems to be that if Brittany Spears or Maria Carey can’t do it then four most certainly can.
Couple that with George Lucas’ (relative) redemption with Episode III of the Star Wars saga and you apparently have the kind of optimism that tried to sell Mortal Kombat II, Speed II and anything with Steve Guttenberg.
And to think, most of us simply worried about how bad the Halo movie was going to be, now it appears that Peter Jackson is going to screw things up by giving impetus to others than with his hands on approach.
There is no news yet of a story line, plot or anything like that, not that I’d hold my breath waiting for such things.
Rumours state that one or more Jennifers may also be involved, whether those be of the Lopez, Anniston or Garner variety remains to be seen.
Also expected is Orlando Bloom, considered the perfect piece of a counter-Jackson movie, and the cheapest actor available for a wannabe epic.
What does this bode for the coming year entertainmentwise? At best disaster, at worst the collapse of the film industry as we know it.
While the latter might sound good keep in mind that Europe, with far too much “art” movies, is unlikely to capture the public’s imagination.
The Indian movie industry, Bollywood, is far more likely to capitalise on the general public’s desire for mindless pap and pulp entertainment.
This isn’t so bad until you realise that pretty much everything Bollywood turns out is a musical. And musicals do not dub at all well.
Naturally this leads to the ultimate horror, a dying, fading Hollywood, reeling from defeat at the hands of Peter Jackson, spending it’s last gasp on an epic, FX driven spectacular musical.
I miss the days when all we had to worry about were nukes.